I Have A Plan

He Has My Feet ...

Proverbs 16:9

"We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps"

Something has changed in my heart. I live fully for God. I have spent so much of my time crying out to God that He would show me how to surrender everything to and for Him. I always felt like I was but then realized how much I was holding on to. I was a child caught taking candy, and only giving half of my handful while hiding the other half. My hand was clenched so tight that I didn't know how to open it. I asked God over and over to help me open my fists and let Him have it all. He never forced my surrender. He never pulled my fingers apart. All He did was love me, and I soon saw how deep His love is, and I knew that I was missing so much by holding on to the small things. Again I tell you that I would give ANYTHING to walk with Jesus. I would go anywhere He tells me to. He has become my best friend. God is teaching me how to have a partnership with Him, while still letting Him be my leader. I want to experience the greatness of God. I want to be His servant, and His child. My life is devoted to the glory of my King and His Kingdom. In everything that I do, I do for Him.

I was listening to this woman share pieces of her story with us. I had been feeling so dry and distant from everything and everyone. All of the sudden I was overwhelmed by the tears in my eyes. My throat was hurting and I was taking so long to get the words out. I thanked her for sharing her story of pain and suffering. I expressed my amazement of God's mercy and love. She was living proof of that. I dont remember much of what I said, but I remember looking at her and seeing the beauty of Christ all over her. She lived through hell, and I would have never guessed had she not told us. I couldn't understand why I was feeling so deeply about it, and why I was getting so emotional over it. I have heard many heartbreaking stories and never had any kind of reaction like that. She is completely captured by Him. This is when everything changed. My world was turned upside down. All of the sudden I understood. Christ found me. Christ saved me. He brought me out of hell. I was dead, and He gave me life. He gave me that for His purpose and His Kingdom. If I want to live for Him, I have to put my ALL into it. Like the Bible says, there is no lukewarm. He is capturing me. He delights in me and wants me to have a close and growing relationship with Him. I want that too.

A couple of months ago Hannah Smith (my sister), told me that I had to read her book called The Robe. I began it but stopped after the first chapter because I didn't have the time to read it. When I started to feel this change in me I decided to finish this book. It's about a Roman man who crucified Jesus and was left with His robe. It is fictional of course, but it really gave me some perspective. This book allowed me to see God in the human form of Jesus. I began to better understand the personality of Jesus. God was using this simple read, to speak so much into my heart. I have a deeper understanding of the Bible. I dont mean to say that The Robe was my answer, but it was a vessel used by God to speak directly to me the way He knew I could understand. I talk to Jesus all the time now. I feel Him all the time. I want to live my life as though He is walking right next to me because that is how I see Him.

I am a dreamer, and there is nothing wrong with that except that I tend to live in those dreams. I was privileged to spend a week with my dad this Christmas. He took the time to be intentional with me and take interest in my life and encourage me with a heart of love. He told me that it's good to have dreams, but the mistake is when we start living in those ideas and forget about where we are right now, and the path that reaches those dreams. I first heard my thoughts begin denying that I live that way, and instantly my heart was telling me to shut up. I prayed constantly that God would open my ears and eyes to see Him through everything, as my dad and I shared thoughts and opinions. I began to recognize something deeper then the conversation. I am fully aware of my pride and many other weaknesses, so I begged that God would soften my heart to Him and to my dad. I know that Dad wasn't telling me that I live in my dreams, but I soon allowed myself to accept that I am that way. As my dad spoke to me, I heard the voice of God say "listen to Me", and so I did. I knew that God was using my dad to speak to me.

I have been planning a trip back to Uganda, along with my sister and our close friend. I have been so excited about going back, and although I didn't know when that would be, I moved in the direction of taking another trip. We each shared our reasons for going back with my grandparents. They have been very encouraging and supportive of the direction we are going. We really believe that God is in this.

As my dad started talking to me about my need to get a job I started to check out of the conversation. That's when I heard God demand my attention. Something inside of me clicked. Dad talked to me about my need to focus and to be open minded to all possibilities. I have not had very much of an experience of a day-to-day job, being on a pay roll and earning an income to support my living. That doesn't mean I dont know how to work, I just dont know much about being an independent adult in the eyes of this world. My dad has his reasons for me getting a job, but that isn't what pushed me to agree with this plan. I love my dad so much, there are no words to describe how much I love him. I want to show my dad how much I love him by honoring him. I also believe that God is taking me somewhere. I am willing to do whatever He wants me to, even if it means getting a minimum wage or low paying job in some other state, or country. I have never trusted anyone more then I trust my God. I feel as though Jesus has just found me sitting on my porch dreaming of what I could be, and said "follow Me". I'm walking with Him now. I don't need to know the plan or how things will happen. He has given me confidence in my faith and trust in Him. He has blessed me with the love of SO many people. God has given me so much. Now I will go out and do what He ask's of me, by first getting a job. :D

Blair Olivia Burke.