The Beginning

In Every Day

continued...

What are you doing? Where are you going with your life? These are the questions everyone is asking me. These are the questions I have been asking myself. Before I went to Uganda I had a plan. I was going on a trip and when I got back I was going to get a place with a friend, go to school and get my Massage Therapy license, and start working towards owning my own business. God had a much more different plan for my life. Going to Uganda wasn't just a trip. It was a life changing experience I will never forget. God had changed my heart and made it His and now I belong to Him. I have my own personal relationship with Christ. Do you understand how amazing it is for me, Blair Olivia Burke, to be saying this? Only one year ago I was the one mocking anyone who talked about God, even family members. Now I cant get enough of Him. Christ change my plans. He changed my life. He changed my heart. He showed me the person He always intended for me to be. When I came back to the US I was surprised how nothing was working out. I couldn't get a job, wasn't able to find a place to live with my best friend. Nothing was happening the way I thought it would.

I began to understand how much I needed God's direction. During my last days in Uganda, Papa was talking to me, and told me I was filled with lots of good insight, but had no wisdom. That was a hard one to swallow. When I had a chance to reflect on that, I realized that my good insight was useless without the wisdom of how to use it and how to live life skillfully, as Papa likes to put it. Being back in the States, I was challenged daily. Coming back into my every day life, my friends, my family, routines, it was easy to fall back into that. As time went on, I reached my breaking point. I began to write emails to Momm and Papa, about how much of a struggle the adjustment was. Robyn and I began talking to each other about the possibility of living with Momm and Papa when they got back. Only a couple days later, we received an email from them asking if we wanted to live with them. I could only cry.

Why did we decide to live with them? God had made such a drastic change in my heart and made me new, so we decided that if we wanted to be grounded and strong in our faith then we also needed to change our surroundings and environment. God can be found anywhere, and you can meet with Him anywhere. We were at the beginning of our relationship with Jesus, and needed to be surrounded by people who know and love us and encourage us in a healthy way. We wanted to be mentored by our grandparents, who are more like friends then grandparents. God took us to Africa to build the foundation, and now He has us here in our reality to face our fears and challenges, so that He can do the more detailed work and continue to work in our lives and push our growth in Him. I feel like I have grown SO much since being back here in Oregon. We have been spending our days helping anyone in any way that we can. We spend our mornings with Momm and Papa, for some reading, reflecting and sharing love. I enjoy every moment that I get with these young people. God is really using them to teach me how to grow and help me in this transition in my life.

For those of you who dont know where I come from or what my story is, let me tell you this, I was dead and I was in hell on earth, and Jesus saved me from death and gave me life and I cant stop craving for more of Him. It's like drinking water for the first time after living your life on the desert, and I cant stop soaking His love, and I dont want to stop. It's a painful life to never know how to love, and to never feel capable of being loved. I didn't know it was possible for anyone to really love me. I didn't know what it was like to really love someone. I never knew that God loves me so much that He sent His one and ONLY Son to die for me, so that He could give me life, and bring me from the dead. In just a short time, I went from believing that God isn't real and if He was then I hated Him, to being found and saved by Him, and loving Him more then anything in my life. Every day He is drawing me closer to Him. Today I spent a couple hours just me, my bible and some music. Soon I set the music down and read my bible out loud. I began laughing in realization that I never imagined being so in love with Jesus the way that I am. I sang to Him, and I talked with Him. I set everything down. The picture of my prayer came to me. I am at His feet, as He sits on His throne. Begging Him to speak to me, guide me, help me, and He smiles at me, reaches His hand out and draws me in to be filled with His overwhelming love. I cried tears of admiration and amazement of the love of Jesus.

I know the next question. What are you going to do when Paul and Pam leave for Uganda again? My answer is that I dont know. I am not worried about it. I am learning how to be patient with God and allow Him to do everything in His timing. I dont have a job. I'm not going to school. I'm not married. I dont have anything holding me back from doing whatever it is that God is calling me to do. My heart is open and I am willing to say yes to whatever He has for me. I have dreams. I want to go back to Uganda and go to school, but I trust that He will point me in the right direction when He knows I am ready to move forward in whatever it is. I feel so blessed because I am discovering something new and beautiful about my Father. I have never felt more at peace and happy about life. I am ready to do whatever God ask's of me.Every day brings opportunity for new beginnings.

I love you all. God bless.

Blair Olivia.