My Sisters

Sometimes life starts moving so fast that I forget to just take a moment to relax and reflect. So now I am doing both at once, I am relaxing and reflecting on my blog. I will try to make these next few blogs close together. I want to share my finishing days in Africa with you.

Robyn and I picked the 20th of July to be our return date purposefully, so that we could spend our last 2 weeks with Hannah Smith, Sarah Knight, and Rosanna Primer. What we didn't know was that it was God's idea put in our minds for that date change. Robyn and I have known Hannah and Sarah since we were little chubby things. We were excited to meet Rose because we had heard lots of good things about her. My sister and I have changed so much and we were excited for the girls to get to know us for who we really are. I have to admit I was slightly apprehensive due to the dramatic events that took place about 1 year ago with Hannah and Sarah specifically. I prayed that God would give me the right words and open their minds and hearts to see the different person He made me to be. I was nervous for days that there would be tension, annoyances, or any other kind of feeling that could damage the potential great friendship available to us by God. Fortunately my prayers were answered. Some days before we picked them from the airport, I felt my own excitement and happiness to have them. My mind was slightly aware of the fact that Rose was coming, someone I had never met, and it made me a little anxious. Soon I realized that, not one of them knew me and I didn't know them. It was like I was meeting all of them for the first time. When they arrived at the airport I couldn't help but run to them. I hugged Sarah (and she is one of the BEST huggers by the way), then I hugged Rose. Later Rose told me that it had surprised her and she appreciated it. I realized that I kind of surprised myself by doing that too. I'm use to hugging people when I first meet them, but I what surprised me was how happy I was to be see her.

Instantly we were all friends and felt connected in some strange way. Many people had commented about our unity and how they saw us as a team. when we started to spend some quality time with each other we realized just how much we didn't know, and how much we needed each other. I was constantly encouraged by these girls. they became my dear sisters in such a short time. God was purposeful in hand-picking each one of us to be on the other side of the world at that specific time in each of our lives. Our time with each other was precious and vital to the growth as a team and individually. I felt drawn to these ladies and I couldn't figure out why. As time went by I understood what God was doing. He was giving each of us a safe place. A place of refuge, comfort, trust, and encouragement. I trust each one of those girls with anything and everything. I believe that God's purpose was for us to find a place of peace with each other, and someone we could always turn to in any time of need. We are sisters. There were some laughing, crying, healing, and growing. We are learning and teaching. We are loving and being loved.

Robyn and I felt so blessed to have these girls come and see the way we changed, who we were and how we lived in our home in Uganda. We felt so filled with excitement to introduce them to the people who were apart of the change and growth in our spiritual and personal maturing lives. I know you have heard of the Dove Voice Band, but I would like to introduce them as our brothers and I will soon tell you just how much they mean to us and what they have done for us. But for now I would like to tell my sisters Hannah, Sarah, and Rose .... you girls are so precious in the eyes of God, and you mean so much to me, I don't think you will ever know just how much! You have encouraged me, cared for me, and loved me. I don't know how to thank you in a way that shows the depth of my gratitude for you ladies. May God bless the rest of your journey in Africa, and bless the rest of your journey on this earth. I love you :D

Allowing Rejection

Only to be Accepted.

The moment I first noticed a change within me, was when I didn't react. I stopped reacting to the things that bothered me. Over these past few weeks I have been challenged by my old habits, such as arguing with my sister, picking fights with family members, and in general, speaking without thinking. Because of what I am choosing to believe and how I choose to live, I have to deal with the rejection that comes from society, friends, and even family. Over these past six weeks, I have discovered a new me. I am more free then I have ever been, and I am still learning. I find myself marveling over all that I have been experiencing, and how God has used them to give me perspective and to strengthen me. I no longer fight away the feelings and emotions that, for so long, have been forced deep into the unopened box of my heart. Slowly by slowly God is opening my soul and healing my hearts wounds.

When we returned from our 12 day trip to Mbarara and Kamwange, I wasn't fully aware of how much I had grown up. When I had a chance to reflect over all that had happened I could not pick, out, and name the differences in myself. People can tell you all the time "wow your so different", or "you have really changed", but all that doesn't make sense until you can feel it on your own. I noticed the transformation in me first when I started talking to my mom differently. When she started talking about God, prayer, or gave me verses to look up in the bible, I wasn't ignoring her. I use to laugh at her on the inside, or roll my eyes, or my selective hearing would kick in and I was deaf to all "religious" references. Although that seems to be a very common thing when a parent talks to a their kids in general. There came a time when I was actually anticipating her encouragement and thankful for her prayers.

The next encounter of realization came when I told Momm and Papa, that I wanted to have people pray for me. Now before I go on, I would like to explain to you how I felt about prayer. I found prayer a sort of mantra like any other religion, not to mention completely difficult. I don't think I have ever asked someone to pray for me, especially when it was about something specific. How I saw it, was that if I ever asked someone to pray for me, it was my confession as a failure. What I understand now, is that it is a confession as a failure but not in a bad way. To ask for prayer is admitting we can't do everything or anything on our own. I discovered the fine line of purpose for asking someone to pray for me. I wasn't asking them, so that I didn't have to pray on my own and God would help me through their prayers. How faithless is that? Actually someone very close to me told me once, that if I dont mean it or have faith in God's power and ability, then the prayers of others will be a waste of time. I began finding out how deep my beliefs went and how twisted my faith was. When I took that step of admitting that I couldn't do it on my own, relief overwhelmed me and the sense of humiliation was welcomed. After that moment I was gradually noticing the change everyone was seeing in me. I felt comfortable praying for someone or for something as simple as dinner.

Finally, I find myself loving every moment, and every person, and loving every opportunity and gift God shares with me. I stopped judging others, and started judging myself. Honesty has become such a big thing to me lately because I find no reason to lie. Forgiveness is something I have learned to have for others and even myself. So many of my prayers are being answered, because I feel strong and confident in who I am in Christ. I have faith that whatever comes at me wont kill me, because I have been dead once and I have been revived. I'm being brainwashed? How can I be brainwashed when it wasn't people who encouraged this change in me? The change in me has occurred because I tried everything else, and failed. I was dead on the inside, and I was chosen by Christ to be brought back to life. God know's all things and His purpose for me is higher than those of the people surrounding me.

When you look at me I pray you look past the things I did, past the words I spoke, past the life I lived, and see that none of that is who I was, none of that is who I will be, and none of it is who I am. I am happy, so be happy with me.