Here It Is

The end of my stay here in Uganda gets closer and closer. Robyn and I had planned on changing our tickets to a farther date, because as soon as we arrived we loved this place. I cant describe the feeling to you, but I'll try. Uganda immediately held a piece of my heart. No one can tell a story without a little bit of background, so here I go. For those of you who dont know, my parents are no longer together and are "officially" ending their marriage. This started only one year ago. My dad is different and so is my mom. I wont say it was mutual but I wont go into detail because this is only a little bit of background :). Since my parents split, along with other challenges in my life, my faith in God diminished. My relationships were failing and I was losing myself. I use to believe that God had failed me as my savior, but I came to the conclusion that I had failed Him as His believer. My life was a struggle and I was hitting the end of my patience. When my sister and I made the decision that this was the year to come to Africa, I wasn't aware that God was the one to give me that feeling. We had to pick a return date when we got our tickets. I picked May 14th, because I believed that it was "just a trip" and sort of a vacation from the stressful life I was leading, so I thought 2 months was plenty of time. To be honest I was sure that I would end up changing my ticket to come home earlier. My mom repeatedly told us she wouldn't be surprised if we decided to stay the whole six months that my grandparents are staying, and my constant reply was "that will never happen". I am shocked by how wrong I was, because usually I am always right ha. I don't believe that Uganda changed me, i dont believe that my grandparents changed me. I know that when I first walked into the airport in Uganda, I felt a change in my heart and soul, because at that moment I decided to let God take care of me while being here and for Him to give me direction and do something in my life. Since that moment God has filled my heart slowly by slowly. So much inside of me has grown up and my perception on life has changed for the better. There was a time when Jesus Christ was my hero and my closest friend who understood me more than any other, and those days were the happiest of my life. When my dads beliefs started to shift into something different I did what any good kid would do, I followed my dads opinions and ignored my own conscience and resistances. Over time I became stuck in my ways and I was confident in my beliefs. I have to admit, it was the loneliest period of my life. I was surrounded by people who loved me and I loved in return, and we had tons of happy times, but on the inside I was alone and hurting. Recently I told my dad to imagine the relief I feel when I say i am happy and it actually be 100% true to my heart. Jinja is my new found home. Under various circumstances I have been forced to let go of preconceived ideas and expectations, and let my faith take lead and trust that everything would be okay. God chose for me to come here. I am His again. Since I was a young girl I use to imagine going to Africa and spending time with other kids. I always believed that one day I would be able to go. There couldn't be a better time for me to be here. I didn't come to make a change in Uganda, I came for a change in myself. Of course I miss my family and my friends, but i can deal with missing those people because something bigger is happening in my life and relationship with God. I am not quite ready to be going home, because God has something for me here and I know He will reveal His plans for me sometime. So I am in the process of changing my ticket to return home later in the summer. Right now I pray that God provides the finances that the change requires. I ask you all to pray with me.

I have been learning about more then I imagined I could. My faith in Christ has never been stronger or more real. Life will never be the same for me. Sometimes I wonder why God let me fall, but then I think, because I fell so hard, I am stronger for choosing to stand back up. The simplicity of Uganda has fascinated me, and I am in the midst of it all. There was a short adjusting period and then it became my life. God has many plans for me, and I am ready for whatever He lays on my path. Many want me to come home, but what they don't know, is that I am already home. I will be grateful for the time that i go back to the U.S and spend time with my family and share life with my friends, but truth is my heart will always be here, all the way in Africa. If it's Gods desire for me to go back in May, then I will trust Him and be obedient, but if God has more in store for me here, then I will have faith that He will provide.

One Month Down ... More To Go.

So we have been here exactly one month. I can't say it has gone by fast, i feel like we have been here for much longer. I believe, that because we have developed some incredible relationships that take years to build, its hard to imagine that we have only been here for such a short time. Right now Robyn and i are slightly undecided about when we will be coming home, so if you feel like praying, pray that God will give us direction and confirmation for what we shall do. Our time here has been filled with special memories. When I was a little girl I use to imagine that I was in Africa playing with the kids, playing with wild animals, going to a hospital and telling stories. As a small kid I imagined that one day I would be in Africa, and today I am. Goes to show that nothing is impossible through the works of God. I have to give God credit, because once i started to trust in him, my dream was manifested and became my reality. This place has become a home to me. Leaving here will be difficult, but im not thinking of that now. The last couple days Robyn and I have been busy building desks with Papa,and taking care of Momm. You should all keep her in thought and prayers, because she is starting to look like an old lady. Don't take that the wrong way, she looks beautiful as always, but her back is treating her poorly and she cant stand straight. I am doing my best to rub her back and help as much as possible without making it worse. We have much to do in the days to come. My little sister Hunter, announced on facebook that she now has a boyfriend, congrats to young love :). My little brother Quintin is becoming very talented on the bike, and he is possibly in need of braces, good luck kid. The last one would be Ricky, I want to wright a little bit about my brother. I miss him SO much. Some time ago, you would think we hated each other, and its true sometimes we did, and even verbalized those feelings to each other. I have wondered if thats common for a brother and sister. In just one year he has become a man and one of my best friends in my life. I love him more then any guy, with the exception of Quint and dad. I know that i haven't told him this as much as I should, but that's going to change. I am crying as i write this because it's so true to my heart and i mean it more then you can imagine. Sometimes i laugh because i remember the times he and i would fight till we were so annoyed/angry that one of us (usually me) would walk away, resulting in a jog around the block. I think of one time when I was SO mad at him that I wanted to hit him with something, so i picked up the closest object to me and hit him over the head with it, don't worry it was only a pizza box. I stormed outside because i was more angry about the fact that it was a pizza box and something they were probably laughing at. Not long after that i was laughing with them. I have to say my brother and I were the fighters in our family and neither of us were good at being the first to quit. Both of us have grown so much, and I can't even express how important he is to me in my life. I can't imagine my life without him, or any of my siblings. They are the people in my life that I will always do my absolute best to show how much I love and care for them. God has blessed me with loving parents, and the best and most fun brothers and sisters. Even though we go our separate ways, and even though we are a separated family, these people are still my family and my life long friends. I thank God for helping Ricky and I become so much closer, and not letting our differences permanently damage our relationship. I have been able to truly love all people through Gods grace. Relationships are good, family is good, love is good, and God is the creator and epitome of all good things. Please be blessed :D

Love to you. Blair Olivia.

God is reminding me who He is. Through all the ups and downs in my life, there was a time when I let go of God and became my own person without relationship. I see now that without God, it's impossible to get the full taste of a relationship, all the juice, and without God those relationships don't have much truth or love. I like to feel in control of my life and my surroundings. Theres a part of me that believes that that's a result of my past experiences, but I know I am just that way a little bit because of fear. When i think about giving up all that i have and decision making up to God, a part of me starts to panic, because I am afraid. Fear in itself is dangerous territory. I use to be afraid that by giving everything to God and letting go of that controlling part of myself, would result in the loss of very important relationships in my life. Eventually, God let me realize that without him those relationships wouldn't last too long. I stopped being afraid because i knew that no matter what God would take care of me. I stopped depending on my relationships to survive, and started, and still am becoming friends with Jesus and depending on Him. I'm not afraid of the unknown. Actually the only thing that makes me afraid currently is car accidents, slightly, and bugs of many kinds. I completely despise jumping spiders. Anyways, God is showing me knew things in my life that i never thought of. I'm a new person but still me. I love watching my grandparents be best friends, and love each other more and more each new day. I see God in them as they love Robyn and I as well. Lately I see God everywhere. I feel Him in everything and everywhere. My happiness and love are beyond anything I have ever experienced. I truly do love everyone. I absolutely love sharing an experience such as this with my sister, whom i would call my best friend, even if we have our little disagreements here and there :) I know God has blessed me. Even after everything i have seen and done in my life, somehow i have been able to come out of it and believe that God is still here and I can still love people. That amazes me.

Be Blessed :D

Blair Olivia.